The Stoic Dichotomy Of Control

If I had the chance to travel back in time and give my younger self one piece of advice, it’d be simple: invest in Bitcoin early.

But if I could give a second piece of advice—one that would’ve had an even greater impact on my life—it would be this:
You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can always control how you respond.
Your response is your responsibility. It’s a choice you get to make, no matter the circumstances and what might be going on around you.

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus captured this idea perfectly:

“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”
— Epictetus , Enchiridion

This is the core of the Stoic Dichotomy of Control—the simple idea that life can be divided into two categories:

Things within our control
Things outside our control

On the surface, it sounds obvious. But when you truly understand it—and more importantly, when you start living by it—it has the ability to create a huge step change in how we live. It shifts how you handle stress, setbacks, relationships, failures, and even success. It’s the difference between feeling powerless and realizing you’ve had control all along—just not in the way you thought.

Interestingly, this concept isn’t unique to Stoicism. There’s a common version of it in the Serenity Prayer, often quoted in recovery communities:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

It’s the same core idea in different words.
The power isn’t just in recognizing that distinction—it’s in knowing what to do with it.

In this article, we’ll break down the Dichotomy of Control, explore why it’s so transformative, and show how you can apply it in your daily life to reduce unnecessary stress, make better decisions, and create real, lasting inner peace.

Because while I can’t go back and give my younger self this lesson, I can share it with you. And trust me—it’s worth more than Bitcoin.

Page Break Image of a Greek Temple

What is the Dichotomy of Control?

The Dichotomy of Control, at its core, is brutally simple:
Some things are within your control. Some things are not.

That’s it. But, in its simplicity, it’s a mental framework that can completely change how you approach life, especially when things get tough.

You can think of it like this:
Life constantly throws problems, challenges, and frustrations our way. The Dichotomy of Control helps us break them down into two categories:

Things we can control
Things we can’t control

Once we make that distinction, we know exactly where to put our time, energy, and attention. And this matters because most of the suffering we experience comes from getting these two mixed up.

When it comes to control, people usually suffer in one of two ways—often both at the same time.

1. Trying to Control What We Can’t

This is a quick way to frustration. We waste energy trying to control things that are completely outside our influence, like:

Other people—their beliefs, thoughts, actions, opinions, or values
The weather—because getting mad at the rain really won’t change it
Traffic—shouting at cars doesn’t make them move faster
The economy—market crashes don’t care about your feelings
Politics—unless you’re a policymaker, stressing over every headline won’t shift the needle
Time—you can’t rewind it, slow it down, or speed it up (unless you want to get technical with relativity)

When we try to control the uncontrollable, we hit a wall. We have no impact. And that’s when the emotional fallout kicks in—anxiety, frustration, helplessness, bitterness, and anger. We feel stuck, not because life is against us, but because we’re fighting battles we were never meant to win.

2. Neglecting What We Can Control

On the flip side, we often ignore or avoid the things we can control, like:

Our beliefs—the stories we tell ourselves about what things mean
Our values—the principles we choose to live by
Our perspective—how we frame and interpret situations
Our actions—what we choose to do (or not do) in response to life’s challenges

When we don’t take responsibility for these things, we become passive. We lose our agency. Instead of focusing on where we have power, we complain, blame others, and fall into a victim mindset. We feel stuck—not because we are stuck, but because we’re not taking ownership of the levers we can actually pull.

HOW THE DICHOTOMY OF CONTROL CHANGES EVERYTHING

The Dichotomy of Control helps us shift our mindset in two critical ways:

1. Letting Go of What We Can’t Control

When we clearly identify what’s outside our control, we stop wasting energy trying to change it. We don’t have to like it, but we can learn to accept it.

This doesn’t mean we’re passive or indifferent—it means we’re realistic and making wiser choices about how we spend our focus and energy.

Epictetus put it plainly:

“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.”

Acceptance isn’t surrender. It’s the clarity to say, “This is beyond me, so I won’t pour my energy into fighting it.” That frees up mental space and emotional energy to focus on what truly matters.

2. Owning What We Can Control

Once we strip away what’s out of our hands, what’s left is pure agency:
Our thoughts. Our choices. Our actions.

When we shift our focus here, life changes. We stop reacting and start responding. We become proactive instead of reactive. This is where growth happens, because we’re finally working on the one thing we can always influence—ourselves.

And the best part?
The more we focus on what we can control, the more control we actually feel.
Not over the world, but over ourselves—and that’s real power.

The Dichotomy of Control isn’t about ignoring life’s problems or pretending everything is fine. It’s about clarity. It’s about knowing where to invest your energy so you don’t burn out trying to control the uncontrollable.

So the next time you’re stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed, ask yourself:

Is this within my control?
If not, can I accept it and move on?
If it is, what’s the next action I can take?

This is part of practical Stoicism in action. Simple, practical and useful.

How Can the Dichotomy of Control help us?

What do we do if we can’t change something but we want to limit its impact on our well-being?

Well, being able to identify what we can and can’t control also helps us develop as people. When we are suffering but the thing that’s causing us to suffer is outside our control, we are then left with one option: change how we look at it.

Viktor Frankl wrote about this in his book Man’s Search For Meaning:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Suffering Becomes A Choice:

As soon as we develop the ability to identify what we can control, suffering is now a choice.

Can we do something about it? No. So then why waste your time worrying?
Can we do something about it? Yes. Then do something.
The third option is to know that you can do something about it but you decide not to. It’s still a choice.

Final Thoughts:

There’s a lot on life that’s outside our control. Learning to accept this is probably the greatest stride someone can take towards living a resilient life and reducing suffering.

While the dichotomy of control is sometimes criticised for being defeatist or passive, it actually focuses our energy exactly where we can add value to our lives. Rather than wasting it on stuff that won’t budge no matter how much we complain, suffer or dislike it.

Shit happens, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. However, we always have the ability to decide how we respond. We always have the ability to make the best use of what is within our power and accept the rest as it happens.

Amor Fati

Extra – 2 Minute Dichotomy of control Meditation

Get yourself a piece of paper and a pen and think about a problem you’re having in your life.

Draw a big circle and within in draw a smaller one. In the smaller circle thing about what’s within your control (your thoughts, beliefs and actions). Write them in that circle.

With this list you can begin to see where you can leverage what you have to improve your situation.

In the larger circle write down what’s outside your control (the weather, the economy, other people, other people’s opinions, other people’s actions, politics, traffic etc)

With that list you can more easily see what is causing you suffering, and what you should learn to accept. It’s outside your control, so no about of complaint or suffering will change it.

The Stoic Dichotomy Of Control